The Gratitude Hangover
Every Thanksgiving my family and I get invited to what can only be described as a spectacular Thanksgiving extravaganza. It’s hosted by one of my best friends and is less dinner party and more pop-up art installation. She starts working on the décor in August—and it shows. Sixty gold-sprayed mini pumpkins, hand-painted place cards, holiday-themed decoupaged candlesticks… every year it’s different, and every year it’s over-the-top and breathtaking. I’m always grateful to be included among the thirty or so guests.
Like many get togethers on Thanksgiving, part of the annual tradition is going around the table and sharing what we’re thankful for. Most years I’ve got the usual list—loving family, caring friends, good health, etc. But one particularly tough year, all I could muster was, “I’m still standing, and I’m grateful for that. Next year will be better.” Everyone appreciated the honesty (I even got a small round of applause). And you know what? The next year was better.
Every November, I usually post something about being “grateful”. But let’s be real — some years, you’re just plain tired come Thanksgiving. Tired of the hustle, tired of rejection, tired of pretending you’re fine when you’re not — and if one more person tells you to “be thankful for what you have” you might just throw your laptop across the room.
So, this year’s “Thanksgiving-inspired post” isn’t for the writers radiating gratitude right now. It’s for the ones having a tough year — who feel stuck, bitter, overlooked, underpaid and anything but “thankful”. For those writers, here are a few practical tips to help you survive family dinners, the seasonal industry shutdown, and that creeping holiday pressure to fake positivity when what you really need is a break.
1. Don’t force gratitude — just notice what’s okay
If this year kicked your ass, you’re allowed to be angry, numb, or exhausted. But, believe it or not, it’s possible to hate how quiet it’s gotten and also notice what’s quietly okay. (Seriously. Psychologists call it emotional co-existence). So what is working? Maybe you haven’t sold a script or been staffed this year, but you learned a new skill, met someone who believes in your work, wrote a passion project script you’re super proud of, or simply managed to pay rent in a brutal year (that counts!). Notice one real, tangible thing that’s going okay — not to force a “cheery holiday mood,” but to remind yourself you’re still standing and something, however small, is going right.
2. You don’t have to fake “fine” at family dinners
When your cousin with the tech job or your sister with the 401(k) asks, “So, how’s the writing going?” you’re allowed to say, “Slow.” You don’t owe anyone a success story — or a TED Talk on the state of the industry. I get that it can feel like everyone’s judging you and your “artistic pursuits,” but most aren’t; they just don’t understand how Hollywood works and don’t know what else to ask. If it helps, have a go-to line ready for every dinner and holiday party — something like, “The industry’s slow right now, but I’m working on something new I really love.” Then change the subject. You don’t have to defend your career over turkey.
3. The holiday shutdown isn’t personal
Every year — even the busy ones — the industry grinds to a halt come late-November. Emails go unanswered, phones stop ringing, and LA gets swallowed by holiday parties and out-of-office replies. It’s not you or your writing — it’s just the calendar. So instead of treating the “seasonal quiet” like a crisis, treat it like an opportunity to breathe and regroup. If you feel burned out — take a break. If you’re feeling antsy — write. If you feel disorganized — clean up your desktop, clear out your inbox, or organize your writing space. Whatever will make January-you “grateful” for December-you — do it. Then put your feet up (for at least a day or two) like everyone else.
4. Don’t let resentment drain your energy
If you’re bitter about your career right now — fair. But those feelings, however justified, can be an energy drain. Give them too much time and attention and you’ll stay stuck in comparison mode instead of creation mode (it’s what I call “compare and despair” and it’s a recipe for resentment and self-hate). The truth is you’re not really mad at the people whose careers are flourishing — you’re mad that your own career isn’t moving. And the only way to shake that feeling is to move. Write something — even if it’s just a journal entry. Email someone. Set a coffee date with a fellow writer. Take one tiny action that reminds you you’re not powerless. Because the real cure for resentment isn’t gratitude — it’s action.
5. You don’t need a five-year plan — you need a season plan
A common reason writers spiral is because they’re trying to follow a five-year plan or hit some milestone by age 35 — all of which is impossible in an industry that resets every six months. Especially now. So, let that go. Instead, ask yourself: what do you need right now — financially, emotionally, creatively? Maybe it’s a seasonal side hustle to buy yourself the freedom to write come January. Maybe it’s a social media detox so you can emotionally reset over the holidays. Maybe you need to hermit away and write. Or maybe you need to do anything but. Sometimes when you just focus on taking care of yourself for a few weeks at a time, the long game takes care of itself.
6. Forget “gratitude” — focus on being grounded
If you’re barely holding it together this Thanksgiving, you don’t have to “find the silver lining” or “thank the universe”. Forget all that. Focus on being grounded instead. Be honest with yourself about where you’re at — professionally and personally — and then do the best you can from that place. Some days that might just mean getting out of bed and doing one small positive thing: answering an email, writing one page, or surviving a family dinner. Don’t worry about performing optimism this holiday season. Just keep showing up for yourself — and acknowledging your feelings: tired, bitter, hopeful, or all three. Then take one small action that makes you feel good in your soul. That’s more than enough for now.
What are your best tips for surviving the holidays? Let me know @CaroleKirsch!
For more industry info and tips check out these additional resources:
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To learn how to create your “personal logline” read my free e-book, Tell Your Story in 60 Seconds.
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